You know those moments when you’re feeling good, productive, and in the zone? Then you make one tiny mistake, and that voice in your head pipes up. “Seriously? You messed that up again?”
It’s wild how mean we can be to ourselves.
You’d never say those things to a teammate or a friend. You’d never talk to your kid that way. Yet somehow, we make it fair game when the target is us.
I recently finished Jamie Kern Lima’s Worthy, and something clicked. She talks about how easily we beat ourselves up without even noticing it. I saw myself in that. I’m a leader, a mom, a partner, and I still catch that critical voice creeping in.
Here’s the truth: you can’t lead well on the outside if you’re tearing yourself down on the inside.
Before you try to “fix” your self-talk, just start listening.
Throughout your day, pay attention to the things you quietly say to yourself. You’ll be surprised by how often your inner critic shows up. Awareness alone can shift everything.
I tell people this all the time: “You can’t rewrite the story if you’re not aware you’re telling it.”
The goal isn’t to fight the thoughts or replace them right away. It’s simply to notice when they show up. Once you do, you’ll start realizing how often you’re being harder on yourself than you need to be.
Think about how you’d handle an employee or friend who made a small mistake. You’d probably ask what happened, offer support, and move forward.
So why not give yourself the same grace?
When you catch that negative self-talk, try pausing and asking, “Would I say this to someone else?” If the answer is no, reframe it. That small act of awareness builds real confidence over time.
If you lead people, you already know how much tone matters. The same is true for how you talk to yourself.
When you model self-awareness and kindness, it shows up in how you lead. Your team feels it. Your clients feel it. You feel it.
Our inner dialogue shapes the way we show up in every part of life. So the next time that voice gets loud, ask yourself if it’s actually helpful or just noise.
On a lighter note, that picture at the end of this post? It came from one of my favorite spontaneous moments. I’d just finished a long workday on a trip, missed my plans for the evening, and told my Uber driver I wanted to catch a sunset somewhere. She pointed me to this random rooftop spot, so I ran into a convenience store, grabbed a cheap beer, and sat on a ledge listening to meditation music while the sun went down.
It was perfect. No schedule, no pressure, no inner critic. Just presence.
Sometimes the best way to quiet that voice is to get out of your head and back into your life.
So be kind to yourself. You deserve the same encouragement you give everyone else.
At StringCan, we help leaders bring that same awareness and alignment into their organizations. If you’re ready to build a team culture rooted in clarity and confidence, let’s connect.