I’ve been listening to Living a Life of Inner Peace by Eckhart Tolle. It’s the kind of book that quietly shakes up your whole brain. He talks in this calm, matter-of-fact way, almost like he’s explaining how to boil water, and then he laughs at his own jokes. Somehow, you end up questioning your entire internal operating system.
The Trap of Always Wanting More
Early on, he talks about our drive for more. More experiences. More knowledge. More planning. More becoming. He’s not scolding. He’s just stating a fact. The ego is always reaching forward, trying to complete itself with whatever comes next. The real problem isn’t wanting things. The problem is postponing peace as if it’s a prize the future will hand you.
That idea stayed with me longer than I expected. Tolle says it’s not the achieving that gives you peace. It’s when your mind finally gets a break from all the wanting. That hit me hard.
Living One Step Ahead of Yourself
I started noticing how often I live just a hair ahead of the present moment. Not in a dramatic or anxious way. Just forward. I imagine how conversations will go, how situations should unfold, how people will respond once they understand the context I’ve already built in my head. I don’t announce these thoughts. I don’t even call them demands. They just feel reasonable. Logical. Efficient.
But here’s the thing. These aren’t imagination exercises or vision-setting. They are expectations. And as Neil Strauss says, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” That line stopped me in my tracks.
When Assumptions Become Silent Agreements
This is where things quietly go wrong.
At work, we call this alignment. At home, we call it being thoughtful. In reality, it’s often me assuming that other people are standing in the same mental place I am, seeing the same version of the future.
Most of the time, they are not.
And they shouldn’t be.
So when reality doesn’t match the version I rehearsed, something subtle shifts. Not anger. Not drama. Just a little disappointment. That sense that something feels off even though no one did anything wrong.
The disappointment doesn’t come from what’s happening. It comes from the gap between the present moment and the future I expected. Tolle makes fun of this, pointing out that we end up resenting reality and even feeling a little morally superior. How ridiculous is that? How dare reality not line up with my plan?
Presence Works Where You Are
Presence doesn’t assume. Presence doesn’t rehearse people into futures they never agreed to join. Presence stays where it is and deals with what is actually happening.
When I sit with that, I start to see expectations for what they really are. They aren’t standards or rules. They are just control dressed up with good intentions. Not malicious, not conscious. Just my ego trying to feel settled by deciding what comes next.
Life Feels Lighter When You Let Go
The funny thing is, the moment I loosen those expectations, life feels lighter.
Conversations feel cleaner because I ask instead of assume. Work feels calmer because clarity replaces implication. Relationships feel kinder because I stop grading people on outcomes they never agreed to.
And no, this isn’t about lowering the bar or abandoning accountability. It’s about noticing the expectations we carry that were never spoken, never agreed to, and honestly never required.
Staying Present is Where Peace Lives
Presence doesn’t need the future to cooperate. It doesn’t need more knowledge, more planning, or more control. It just asks me to stay here, say what I mean, ask for what I need, and release the rest. That is where peace actually lives.
I tell myself, “It’s amazing how much lighter life gets when you stop asking people to read your mind.” And somehow, it works.
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